The words we say versus words we hear...

Some days I think, YES, it is all working! No problems! Happy! Good! What else could I want out of this life? Other days, I just wonder about the point of even getting out of bed. I could just shuck off my responsibilities, say FORGET it! Either way, life goes on. 

Our new and improved farm market booth!

I think it does. I watch people, a lot. When I was younger I would watch people in restaurants and turn to my friends and "tell" them what the people were saying. Most conversations were ridiculous, some very serious and sad, others a come on. I started to figure out body language and how we all interact as humans. I was a pretty naive person for an incredibly long time. Maybe that is why reading people is so much more important to me now. I hear the words, but listen to the body. I became quite adept in my old job at reading people and seeing what they were trying to hide, sometimes for the good but often for a dishonest purpose. Now when people talk to me, I listen to their movements, watch their eyes, are they defensive in their movements or words. I reach past what they are saying and try to discover why they are saying it. No, I am not a human lie detector like Robert de Niro in "Meet the Parents" but I do see more than some people want me to see. So beware, next time we talk!

I used to feel alone in my church as well as in my junior and senior high schools. I was always an outsider, lingering on the edge. I was the last person picked for the sports team, the one who sat on the sideline at the dance or was asked by the geekiest guy there to hit the floor. I was incredibly literal, never knew a line or got a joke and thought that I had absolutely NO sense of humour. (Of course about 3 years AFTER highschool I realized that people thought everything was funny in homeroom because they were stoned! I was clueless! My brain thought they had Visine in their bag and Listerine spray because they were really hygienic!)

Gullible and unsophisticated described me to a T. Innocent and shy. I guess that made me an easy mark. The upside is that when an adult in power was molesting half the girls in my youth group, I was left out. I was actually upset that he liked them all better and not me. I am not sure if he stopped when he asked me an inappropriate question because I was so clueless to what he was talking about or whether he was deathly afraid of my dad. At the time Dad was 6'2", about 240lbs. had a gruff voice and always looked like he was frowning. All of my friends were afraid of him, until they got to know him. He protected me unknowingly, so thank you Dad! (Speaking of my dad, until recently I was cautious of what I wrote because my parents might read it. My Mom isn't on the computer and my Dad JUST told me he deletes everything I send, so I can be more forthright in the future!)

I am also not quite sure if my husband reads much of what I write, I suppose after this post I will know. I think he does, often, but not sure if always. Let's test that today! A few weeks ago Len's brother came to visit. They were busy, working and playing. It was good for them both, I had no issues with it. Larry left, Len got sick. After a week of being sick we realized this was probably NOT a cold but allergies. Len is a man, he does not take any medication very often whether it is prescription or over the counter. I on the other hand, believe that medicine was discovered to help combat disease, pain and irritating ailments. I am also a mother and am legally responsible to make every effort to ensure that I tend to my children's health to the best of my ability - love, hugs, good food, medicine and over the counter medication. I have to watch the body language of everyone who surrounds us. New friends, old friends, strangers, my husband, my children - always reading to determine what I should do next. In the past I have not made all the right moves, now I try each day to mediate and keep the world going in the best direction I can - as much as possible - for all those I love.

As many people agree, I have been rather busy myself. Working part time, baking and selling for the farm market, opening a coffee shop, carting children to medical appointments, dance classes and school events, shopping for our family, cooking, cleaning - well to some extent, trying to get more website business, keeping in touch with my family, planning our trip to BC, advocating for my girls, dealing with lawyers, doctors and whatever else may come up from time to time in my off hours (between 12am and 6:00 am - otherwise known as sleeping hours - sorry my lazy time.) Yes, during the winter I did go back to bed, life was slower, less to do, I don't nap during the day, and it was dark and cold out. Now it is spring, almost summer, light by 5am or earlier and more to do. I am not going back to bed often, in fact it is less than once a week and only until about 8am or so most days. 

Of course on Thursday, Len had to go up Green Mountain which is a hell of a hill. Long, steep, arduous, heart thumping, breath catching and with the bugs these days, fly swatting. Len as I said has been sick. He is congested, sniffling, sneezing, puffy from bug bites and kind of grumpy from not sleeping well. I told him do NOT walk up the hill, let me drive you. I can come get you again too or you can walk home, but the hill is TOO much as you have been suffering from fever too. Thursday morning I went back to bed. Apparently the night before I had several nightmares that Rachel had to wake me from and I was feeling a bit run down myself. When I start to think of all I have to do, I get overwhelmed and my energy was underwhelming. I went back to bed. I set the clock for 8:45 am and got up. I puttered, wrote my last blog, had coffee, decided what to bake that day and at 11am when I hadn't heard from Len, I messaged him on MSN (yes that is how we connect from the house to his studio) "Hi honey! How are you feeling? I should drive you up soon so you can work in the raspberry patch because I have to start my yeast/bread soon. Come in when you are ready! - a little heart and happy face attached to the note. " No answer. 

OK, I am staying inside. Yes, it is nice out but the bugs are wicked. The little black flies are voracious and get through my hair and chew on my scalp (apparently I have tasty shampoo!) As it was I was swatting mosquitoes all day and that was enough for me. Around 1:30 or 2pm Len wandered in. Now my husband is a pretty easy going guy. Not much really pisses him off and he doesn't have a bad temper - much. Having said that, a week of little to no sleep, a face that was swollen from bites, earlobes that looked like they should have lobster claws attached and a wheezy chest, made him a bit, dare I say, belligerent? I looked at him and said, "Len! I told you I would drive you up the road! You shouldn't have walked!" At that moment I was a caring wife who was very concerned about the state of his health, that is until he turned to me and said, "Well, I can't wait for you. If I want to get something done I can't sit around all day waiting for you to crawl out of bed at 11am!" OK I heard the words and watched the body language, neither very comforting at that moment in time. I had watched his frustration building up the past few days with being sick, being held back from what he needs to do and was sympathetic to what he was going through.

My empathy waned, quickly, my back rose up and I turned around to cook, seething the whole while. 11am? What the hell was he talking about? Just because I wrote my note at 11am doesn't mean that I was in bed until then! Yes, sure, I have done that before, but can't remember the last time! How come my friends and family can see that I am busy and have lots on my plate? How come even when I am sick I still have to function as much as possible to keep the house running? How come! How come??? I shook my head and hoped it was the fever talking, the man was sweating like he had done a marathon and the bites were getting bigger and his face was starting to glow. I recommended STRONGLY that he go take a bath, get his fever down, have a beer and maybe take a nap. I really did not want him near me at that moment. I am pretty caring and attentive but I too can get p'od! Not sure if he read my body language very accurately at that moment, but if he did he was smart to leave the room. It would have completely ruined my bread dough if I had thrown it in his face, no doubt the multigrain and flax would have been soothing to his ailments.

After his bath he was still owly but not as noticeably so I steered clear of him while trying to contain my inner monster. The kids came home, I got them fed, ate with Len and by then he was finally recognizing he might be fighting allergies. I convinced him against his better judgement to take some 24 hour Allegra to fight the venom of the evil creatures that have been harassing him. He relented. He took a couple and in the morning still sounded awful. He decided NOT to go to the farm market - his one day a week out and to stay home, not move much, try to get the fever down and rest. It seemed like a good plan. I did tell him if he did not improve we would have to go to a doctor even if that meant another trip to town.

I drove the girls to school and hit the market. Made my weekly trip to market, errands in town, banking, across the border for fuel, groceries and then back across the border again. When I came home Jessica met me outside and I unloaded everything, put it all away, sat down for ten minutes then went to check on my husband. Oh my! My first words were, "You are looking better!" this was my thought since the bug bites no longer looked swollen and his face was all the same colour of red, not multiple hues. He said, "Really? I am all swollen up." Jess and I looked closer, noticed that Len didn't have any facial wrinkles, his eyes were slanted and his ears were, to quote Jessica "the size of Dumbo the elephant". I made Len remove his glasses and hat and there were indentations in his head from where the pressure had been - he was completely swollen up, like Will Smith in the movie "Hitch"!

I couldn't believe it, I laughed. How awful! I laughed at his swollen face - he looked like an Asian who had undergone Botox treatments! Scary! The good thing was, his humour had returned and grumpy guy must have evaporated! Poor Lenny! It was pretty funny and it was enough to convince him again, to try Benadryl. I knew this would help somewhat with the itching, inflammation and make him drowsy so if miserable again I wouldn't notice. Yup, doped him up! Thankfully his face is calming down, his ears almost normal again and he just has a few small welts on his face.

Returning to my first thoughts in order to wrap this up, I do sense his annoyance at times with is current affliction as well as with how things run around the house. Yes, I do too much - for everyone. No - I don't always do enough of what needs to be done. Yes, my girls are spoiled and not incredibly helpful without threats of bodily harm or not being allowed to do something they really want. No, they are not nearly as spoiled as many kids when it comes to material goods - just love and too much done for them from mom. Yes, the girls will be away for the summer and that will be a good break for everyone. No, that won't resolve the problems or perception of complaints from anyone around here but hopefully it will give us all time to reflect and remember how much we do care for each other. Yes, the world has changed and parenting and expectations are radically different than they were ten years ago, 30 years ago when I was young or 60 years ago when he was young. No, I wouldn't change it, I love them all desperately and I am going to miss my children enormously.

They were my babies then, 8 years ago and they are still my babies... until the day I die.

My saving grace is to hear that I am not alone. As much as I have felt that way in the past, as much as we can internalize and hold in our grief, pain, worries and anxieties, many people have many of the same concerns. A mother wants nothing more than to raise a child that will be happy, healthy, secure and know what her true values are. A mother also wants to model a positive relationship. These are my life, this is what is important to me. 

As Scarlett O'Hara said, "Tomorrow is another day."

“There are two seasons in Scotland: June and winter.” Billy Connolly

      

I thought today I should write something... maybe you have noticed I haven't written anything for quite some time or maybe you were glad to take a break from my ramblings. Reality is, I just felt busy, uninspired and had some ups and downs in the past few weeks. As Billy Connolly said "there are two seasons in Scotland: June and winter." I think that the East coast is a bit like that. I guess I feel behind which the weather has played a big part in. The garden just started to get tilled last night, it has been MUCH to wet to try any earlier. Luckily my plants/seedlings are growing well so for the most part, I do have veggies on the go. I also tell my friend Stewart, you are right, those black flies are wicked! I expected big black buzzing ugly things, but these suckers are tiny and get in my hair and bite my head! YUCK!

I posted several pictures of our little coffee shop which I happen to think is just ADORABLE! However, having emptied the porch to reno the shop it meant that I had to clear out all the boxes that have not been unpacked yet. Since we are still "camping" out on the main floor and I need even more space to bake these days I do feel a little chaotic and cluttered. (I am by no means a neat freak, but chaos tends to shut me down.) I am trying to figure out how to walk around things, leave a big area for food prep and baking as well as find a place for us to sit down and eat since the kitchen table is covered in "stuff". Oh well, I know it will come together! I hope to earn money this summer to have BEDROOMS by September! Oh please! PLEASE! PLEASE!

On top of everything we had a wonderful visit from Len's brother, thanks again Larry, so much fun to have you here! Rachel had been working all year toward a job she really wanted. She had volunteered in the community, led the organization in an Easter party for the recreation council, had numerous letters of recommendation, a good resume, cover letter and prepped on job interview questions for about a month. She was devastated when she was not selected but became even more angry when she found out all the behind the scenes drama and how the interviewer usurped her role, went beyond what she was asked and basically told us during feedback, she never even considered Rachel.

There isn't much you can do in a situation like that. Sometimes life is ruled by who you know, not what you know and I know that for the most part, the committee did not agree with the action taken. This is NO reflection on the successful candidates... However, in order to repair things, accurately review an application and consider a candidate that was discriminated against, you have to hurt other kids who applied and were selected. It is a lose/lose situation. I only hope that Rachel has learned this is not about HER, she continues to contribute to the community and not become jaded and that she takes this as a learning experience, as difficult as it has been. 

I must admit the night we came home from driving Larry to the airport and Rachel ran outside crying hysterically, I panicked, I thought for sure something had happened to my dad. I could see she had bad news but thought, "Oh no! Dad is always predicting something bad will happen to him and now it has!" I was relieved when she told me the problem and then my mama hairs stood up and wanted to protect my baby. It was hard to explain to her that this is something that will happen to you in life. I had to share the experiences I have had, in particular a job that would have changed our lives had it come through.

Back in 1998 I was at the top of my government career. I had a great reputation, was moving up, was seen as a leader, someone who put more effort than required forward and someone to move up the chain from a staff member, to supervisor, to management. Little did I realize the real interworking of politics and the sham that many of us live through. I always had some "trust" in the upper echelons but after my stint over the next couple of years, I realized that if I had to be like "them" to get ahead, then I would stay behind. I explained to my daughter that I had worked hard for the job, interviewed as much as I could to gain experience and I applied for a job as a District Supervisor. There were 3 positions in our region, 2 permanent and 1 for one year. I will never completely know the truth, suffice it to say I was in the top 3 and offered a position. Having said that, I did NOT get a permanent position (if I had I wouldn't be where I am today.) The best information I could get was, yes, you passed, excellently, however, one of the 3 people can NOT be offered the one year term since 30 staff members will walk off the job should she be given the position. Therefore, SHE got a permanent position and I had to commute for 1 year and know that at the end of that year, I would return to work in an office with the OTHER successful candidate. Think it worked out well? No. Think he was happy to have me back in that position? No. Think a person should be offered a job as a permanent supervisor when there were 30 people who would walk off the job should she ever walk through their doors? No. A matter of who you know, not what you know? Yes. A life learning experience? YES!

The upside to everything was I had a backup plan in my pocket for my girl. I knew that I was going to be terribly busy this summer, running a fulltime coffee shop, working part time doing homecare, building websites and getting the farm up and running. Not to mention that we don't have rooms and the kids would not want to go to bed as early as we do and they would both be bored and under foot. Sometimes problems in life offer solutions. As many people know Jessica was critically injured before she turned 3 years old. As a result of this for medical and legal reasons she is required to be in Vancouver, BC at Children's Hospital by 9am on June 30, 2011. We can't afford a trip, but the legal fund is covering Jess and myself. Grandma and Grandpa have come through with Airmiles for Rachel to join us so all I have to pay is the taxes, insurance and meals. 

Can you picture the disbelief, amazement and excitement that crossed my girls faces when I told them... Guess what? Let's go to BC! Obviously they knew I couldn't afford it so they were afraid to believe me. For days they asked if it was real? Mom, are you serious? You wouldn't joke about this would you? No babies, this is real... and guess what else? Mom has to get back in just over a week, but you two get to spend the WHOLE summer in Nanaimo and Port Alberni! Our loving family and friends will put you up! You can see your friends, get your courage and strength back, know that even when it is hard here because you are new, there are people who love and accept you no matter what! Plus, we have lined up some part time work for Rachel, so she can play, see family AND make some money!

Well, parenting is hard and there are days they drive me nuts, but nothing could replace the looks on their faces. The joy and excitement and bewilderment that overcame them. I love you girls and  if I could take away every hurt that you would ever experience, I would in a second, but I can't. I can only teach you that pain, disappointment and anger go away... you don't and you learn to move forward. I am going to miss them desperately. I have never been separated from them for more than about a week at a time. I know they will be OK. They are loved and will only be staying with loved ones who I trust implicitly. Get your confidence back Rachel, it is not you, it was not about the other girls, one person did their job wrong and that has impacted you. As I have learned I could be owning a home, debts, working my ass off in a job I had grown to hate, but because someone decided to go through their job wrong... I am now happy... for the first time in my life.

The coffee shop is cute, fun and getting great word of mouth already. My only regret is I can't sleep in all summer! I guess there will be time for that during the dark days of winter. I am so excited to see my parents again, I love them very much and they are great people. You never know what can happen to change your life in an instant, but taking the time to appreciate what you have, who you have in your life, these things will make us happy. I have made a couple of really important true friends here and for that I am so grateful! But ladies, I am going to be home FOR MY 45th birthday! Nothing could be a greater gift!

   

Busy baking and prepping for the coffee shop!

The Latest Article On Our Transition in Synergy Magazine May/June

Well not too much time here, the week has been a big rush! Quotes out on websites! Busy having the "L" team (Len & Larry) work around the place. School and dance events happening. NOW baking for the farm market Friday and our "Soft Opening" of the coffee shop on Saturday! So much to do!

I wanted to share this link to the latest article printed - part two - of our move and transition which was published in the May/June issue of Synergy Magazine. Take five minutes to enjoy! While you are there peruse the other great articles that Synergy authors share.

Have a great day! It has stopped raining in Fosterville, the sun peeks through from time to time and I am baking up a storm for the Farmer's Market! Join our Facebook group to keep up to date with what is happening at the Farm and Coffee Shop and when we reach 60 members we draw for a FREE Golden Unicorn T Shirt and loaf of bread! (If you live far away I can just mail you the T shirt!) Invite your friends! Just click on the link and you can join!

Golden Unicorn Farm on Facebook!

OK have to work the yeast is rising and I better rise to the occasion as well! 

Rain, Rain, Go Away - don't come back until a hot summer's day!

It is Sunday afftenoon and I have just got home from volunteering at the community centre to host a fireman's lunch. The volunteer fire department had training all day on their new truck and the recreation council prepared lunch for them. Sadly the rec council president ended up unexpectely in the hosptial last night (she almost didn't go because she was worried about the luncheon) however, we picked up the slack. Anita took charge and the rest of us helped out. It helped that Anita had it all ready for us and we just had to put together sandwiches, set tables, put on coffee, crock pots of soup, etc. Gib, we hope you get  better really soon and Anita, wow, great job!

I had planned to go to church this morning with Len, Larry and Jessica, but was needed at the centre so decided to forgo church. We don't normally attend, although we have been a few times and Jess goes more often. Larry wanted to go today so Len and Jess took him and then they were off to cross the border and fuel up. We have to go across for fuel due to the current prices, although diesel has dropped about ten cents a litre here, it is still almost $1.30 litre vs. $4.00 a gallon in the USA.

I am now home, relaxing, listening to the rain drizzle continuously outside as it falls. It is actually about 7 hours later now than when I started this blog post and the rain is still pouring; it is past a drizzle and is downright cascading from the sky. At almost 9:30pm, with dinner and dishes done, Jessica in bed and Rachel getting ready for school tomorrow, I am sitting in the dim room, goldenrod with mint tea by my side and feeling somewhat lethargic. Perhaps it is the constant rain for the past few days. Maybe it is the fact that there is so much to do. I am not sure, but I do know I feel like doing nothing.

I am in one of those moments where even Facebook is dull. Clearly no one has much going on they feel the need to post. Well, maybe some people do, but I chucked about a dozen hangers on off my Facebook this weekend since we really have little in common, never communicate or they are so freaking self indulgent that they ONLY care about what they are doing and how much it cost. I mean, REALLY could you imagine someone who is so egocentric that they only talk about themselves???? 

Oh, oops, wait a minute, is that ME? Maybe I should have deleted myself from Facebook. Well, I guess I don't have to delete me, you can do it for me! That's right, just head on over to edit friends, find Sarah Sherman and hit REMOVE. It is THAT simple! While you are at it be sure to remove yourself from my mailing list OK? GREAT! Now, that I have gotten rid of those who do not wish to peruse my individualistic views, let's get on to the rest of you!

This weekend has been amazing. Wet. Dismal. Exciting. Fun. Discouraging. Encouraging. Exhausting. Stimulating. Reassuring. AND finally.... INTERESTING! Why? Let's see...

Thursday morning I received a call from Len's brother Larry. He was in Newfoundland and had booked a flight to Moncton, New Brunswick to be picked up at 9am on Friday. We were thrilled to have Larry come especially since we knew he wanted to help out and he was a hard worker. Thursday was spent getting my baking ready for market. Fixing a good Maritime meal in advance for when we got home on Friday (deep brown molasses baked beans and porridge bread). Getting up at 5am to bag the baking, get out the door around 5:30am, drive to Glenn's, drop off the baking so he could take it to market and borrow Glenn's car to go to Moncton.

I felt like I had barely slept since I woke up at about 3am and smelled ham cooking... weird! I thought at first that it was some crazy sensory dream. Then I figured Len had gas and was wafting off the aroma of honey ham. In my sleepy haze I kept turning away from him so that I would not inhale pork but no matter what I did he still stank. Poor guy! Here he had a long bath before bed and still smelled BAD! Finally I just got up at 5 after feeling rather robbed of my rest. I walked into the kitchen to look at the crock pot to finish up my beans and realized LEN DIDN'T smell bad! (At least not this time!) It was the smell of the beans soaking over night in the pot! I laughed at myself while feeling relieved that my husband had not acquired some strange odorous disease.

We had a good yet quick trip to Moncton. The weather was a bit drizzly but the sun came out later in the day. It was a nice experience to pick someone up from the airport and not be hassled by the security guys as I sat out front, ahead of the taxi's waiting near arrivals. It was a wonderful feeling to see Larry and Len walk out to the car... When you live far from family and those you love, you don't realize how much you miss them until you see them again. THANK YOU Larry for coming! Thank you Lylia for sharing him!

Our drive to Woodstock was full of conversation and stories. We have not been to Newfoundland yet and we listened intently to Larry's tales of his trip. We were animated as we told him about our new lives, shared experiences as we crossed the countryside and delighted to be together again. Much later, after several stops and upon our arrival home, we were finally able to show off the homestead. Len and I are very proud (in a humble sort of way) about what we have. In the eyes of some it is not much. In the eyes of others it is beyond what we could ever need. To us, it is home, Fosterville at the base of Green Mountain. Of course, typical guys, they disappeared without a word for a 3 hour walk through the forest to find the end of the property line. No, they didn't tell me. Yes, I figured that was what they had done. No, not sure if they were OK, but, I did promise Rachel if they were not home by morning, I would call for help! Oh yeah, I know how to take care of MY GUYS!

I know Len is touched to have his younger brother here. Larry, you are always welcome in our home. We hope that next time your lovely wife, Auntie Lylia can join you ... Thank you for coming... You have already helped us and stimulated our ideas again on what needs and what can be done here. Yes we have had moments of great discouragement. Times where we just didn't know how to get from here to there, from A to Z. You have helped us get back on track, make the insurmountable become surmountable and lit a fire under us again. Last, but not least, thank you for getting Jessica to eat her whole dinner including her vegetables! She admires you alot, Uncle Larry!

I am really excited to have Len and Larry the "L" team working here for the next week or so. I need to rework my budget to get more supplies and we have to HOPE the rain stops so they can get some things done outside. I have noticed that some people put a DONATE button on their blogs from PayPal, but I figure I am probably full enough of myself that I better not do that. I should be paying you to read my blog, not you pay me! 

Don't worry this is not a LIVE button!
Simply send me a cheque that's fine! :)

I made a pot of tea about an hour ago for myself and the "L" team but I think they have become absorbed outside in Len's shop. So I have poured my last half cup and will relax for a few moments before I go to bed. Now, I need to sleep, get up on time, NOT nap in the morning and work hard to accomplish enough tomorrow to move forward. Here is to a good night, good friends and great families!

Lazy or Overwhelmed?

Me - Sarah Canning - Fall 2010

Sometimes it just feels like life is moving too quickly. At other times life is moving soooo slooowly! These days it is a bit of both. The weather is lighter and spring has sprung. The light rains are good for the land and we are moving right along. I feel like there is so much to do and nothing to do it with! Oh well, I suppose it will all happen in due time.

I planted some of my seedlings for my garden about a month ago and some are coming up. It is time to transplant those to bigger pots and get them to do well before they hit the ground. Other seeds don't seem to be doing anything. We purchased all organic and heritage seeds and they don't have as good a return as genetically modified seed but we knew that and I am sure each year will improve. We also planted some of Len's mom's seeds from about 20 years ago but they don't seem to be doing much... maybe seed can go bad?

We have decided to fence in a garden about 125' x 25' and put grow boxes in it. This way it will be a bit easier on my back and I can put topsoil in so that I have less weeding to do. I am going to try some of the "square foot gardening" methods I have read about to decrease the work and improve the yield. Len is going to purchase the fence posts and wire tomorrow and start putting those in with a neighbours help before the ground hardens up too much. Then we will schedule the barn raising. There is so much to do! 

Of course we still have bedrooms to do and the little "coffee shop" to put in. I really would like to see bedrooms up by summer. It is so hard all being on the same floor, there is little privacy and tension does tend to build up. It looks like we just sit on the computer or our beds, but there isn't many other places too sit at this point, so that is what we are left with. The coffee shop will be fun, but work, for me. It means getting up early, not going back for naps, baking and being perky! Damn! Oh well, I can do it - it is for the summer only!

Of course in the midst of the garden, keeping house, caring for kids, running a coffee shop, baking for Farmer's Market and working 2 days a week, I also have a web design business to put time into. Busy? Yes! I guess this is why time feels like it is flying by. I am excited to have the animals come - of course I have to earn some more money to buy them! I love watching chickens just wander about their day, pecking away. I know the bats will be back soon, but the upside there is they keep the mosquitoes down, so I guess that is good? I also hear they leave great leftovers for gardens!

I do tend to feel overwhelmed and anxious and a little out on my own. I miss having friends to have coffee with and visit with, but not in the way I would have thought. For the most part I am enjoying being out here and alone. I do worry that I can easily shut myself away and putter through the day, never leaving my yard, let alone my house some days.... No, I am not becoming an agoraphobic but who knows, it could happen!

So now it is Wednesday and I am home until 6pm when we are off to the last month of dance classes for the year. I need to clean the house, do laundry, bake and finish up a paying computer job. I then need to shower, make dinner and get the kids to dance to arrive home and rush to bed by 10pm. Thursday is my big baking day to prepare for the Friday market. I do enjoy going there and seeing the people who have started to become regulars for my product. It should pick up soon with tourists and more people coming out in the nicer weather so I will expand my product line. I have decided to really stick to the breads since there are other sweets and cookies for sale at the market - I shall develop my niche!

The goal of summer in our bedrooms does not look good but I have to magically make some money appear and who knows? It could happen! Look at this weeks federal elections? Crazy things do occur! I need to finish paying for our dog, buy some goats and come up with chicken feed to pay for the birds.  Of course the kids are growing and need clothes.... More to do, less time to do it and the clock is ticking....Can you hear it? Or is that my stressing heart beating furiously? Have a great day - it is time for me to get my butt moving! (or head back for a SHORT nap!)

Don't forget to pick up a copy of Synergy Magazine in May/June if you are on Vancouver Island for the second installment of my article. I will post the link here when it is posted on line since it doesn't seem to work to add the document to the blog. If I figure it out I shall let you know! Now, go have a productive or lazy day, you decide!