The countdown to Christmas

House warming cake
for good friends!

Christmas is apparently only days away and everyone is rushing around getting ready for it. I am plodding towards it since there is no way to keep it away. I love Christmas and all that goes with it. It isn't really about the presents, but the gatherings, food, drink and fun. Of course the kids love presents but now I realize how it was for my parents as I got older and it was harder to please me - oh it was possible, but financially a nightmare. Try to keep a teen happy on the same budget you can make a 5 year old happy with - next to impossible! Then of course we are away from family which is very noticeable this time of year.

Now is when I regret (only slightly) not having a traditional 40hr week decent paying job to make all their "dreams" come true. As excited as the girls are getting about Christmas they know it is not going to be extravagant, they know they will get things they like, some they wanted on their lists and some that is just from their "crazy mom". As for family out west, I have made everyone's gifts - so SURPRISE!

Jess's 10th birthday

Yesterday, as I was in the porch, I heard Jess tell Rachel that she "knew what mom was getting me for Christmas!" I was a little shocked since I have no clue what I am getting.... Rachel said, "What?" Jessica said, "A living room and a TV!" Well, I laughed and thought cool! That was not even too selfish! Of course then I trembled knowing I might not be able to make it happen as much as I am trying. I love the words that come out of the mouths of babes! (and the added pressure)

I looked at my blog and realized that I haven't posted anything since Rachel's birthday over 1 month ago. I then looked at my log of the blog and saw that three times I had started to write but never finished. None of the writing seemed very inspired or profound, so delete, delete, delete... In fact, I am not sure if I will even post this.

Birthday Cake

Kids Halloween Party

Maybe it is the seasons changing, the darker days, the snow on the ground and the upcoming holidays, however, I have felt very little creativity. It feels forced, uninteresting, boring and maybe my little life at writing is over? I have written an outline and premise for my potential novel, but, I am afraid to start, what if it is another thing I can't finish? Does that make me a failure? Does that mean that I am unable to complete a task and I am just another hack without any talent? Could be.

I have taken time over the past month to reach out to my friends and have long deep chats. Apparently men don't understand that concept. My husband thinks we just gab all day on the phone and men don't do that. True, men don't, but maybe they should? Maybe if men sat and talked about their lives, family, feelings and emotions more ... nah, then we would NEVER get to use the phone!

No calories!

Christmas baking tray

My latest thing is to decorate cakes and now to do baking trays for Christmas. The cake decorating has all been free so far with the exception of the wedding at Thanksgiving. The baking trays are picking up and I am hoping to sell some more for Christmas money. I have put a sofa set on lay a way and need to give Santa a hand paying for it so it can be put under my tree! So, chocolate and cookies anyone?

Ready to serve!

If I never write again due to complete writers block

 or if Christmas comes before I put my hands to the keyboard again, 

I wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

long days of winter - December 8, 2011

i can't write
i don't care
nothing comes to me
my mind is bare

thoughts are blank
empty, void, alone
brain feels dark, dank
cold and hollow

it seeps up on me
i don't know its coming
i can hardly see
i am surrounded

desolate and sad
heaviness in my heart
when did it come?
why did it start?

what is it exactly?
stress? pressure?
how can good go bad?
hollow beyond measure

it will lift
i will rise
but am i lost
in their eyes?

sarah sherman (C)