Boxing Day ... what does it mean?

I have always been under the illusion that boxing day was in reference to the clean up required after Christmas. The boxes to be emptied, disposed of, general organization and straightening up required to absorb the gifts of Christmas into your home and to empty the stores so they can put out new items. In the last few years Boxing Day in Canada has become a day of shopping. Deals to be had, product to be disposed of by retailers that was not sold before Christmas. My late husband used to call Boxing Day "The I just didn't get enough for Christmas" shopping day. Now it seems that many people just give gift cards and let their loved ones go pick out the item themselves. I was never big on this idea, however, now having a teenager, I definitely see the merit in this plan!

It appears from my research via the world wide web that Boxing Day has nothing to do with boxes left over from gifts or great sales by major retailers or a bank holiday. The origin of the day dates back to the 10th century when the Duke of Bohemia (please remain focused, do not start humming the Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen!) was surveying his land on the day after Christmas  when he saw a poor man struggling to gather wood for his family during a fierce winter storm. The Duke helped him and brought boxes of food and gifts to the man to help him during his time of need. The Duke later became the King of Wenceslas as in the song (you may hum the tune "Good King Wenceslas" now) and the tradition of giving alms to the poor during the day after Christmas began. Leftover food, clothing and money was boxed up and delivered to the poor. 

Good King Wenceslas looked out
On the feast of Stephen
When the snow lay round about
Deep and crisp and even
Brightly shone the moon that night
Though the frost was cruel
When a poor man came in sight
Gath'ring winter fuel

Lyrics and Audio - Good King Wenceslas 

Having attended church just about every Sunday for the first 18 years of my life, having volunteered in hospitals, charitable societies, schools and more, I never knew the true reason for Boxing Day. As I sit here typing and listening to one child beg for food (yes I starve her, the cupboards, freezer and fridge are full but sadly there is nothing to eat) and another sleep, sleep, sleep... I think of those who are alone, cold, depressed, poor and basically just waiting for this season to be over.

Maybe while you are out grabbing those deals today you can buy some extra food and put in the food bank box or buy a cup of coffee for someone who looks lonely, some expression of kindness in addition to the great deals you might get today. I was reminded by an elderly man last week as I complained about poor service at a local grocery store, how demanding the job can be, how we might not realize the pain the cashier is in, how they may have had to leave their family to come to work when they would like to be with their children.... So please practice patience today.

What am I doing this Boxing Day? I am enjoying the excitement my 9 year old has for her gifts. I watch Jess open her art kit and start painting the Disney Princesses, she has a photo to follow and is very intent on getting it right. I am rather impressed so far with her ability to remain focused. On the other hand it is noon and for the 7th time I have told my teen to get up. I know there won't be much for her to do when she does get up so I have let her sleep in a bit and as she slept I Googled "Teenagers and Sleep". I learned the following which may dispel the the "Teens sleep because they are lazy myth". (They do sleep because they are lazy but there are also physiological reasons to keep in mind!)

1. The average teen requires 9.5 hours of sleep and only gets 7.4 hours per night. Note: 9 and 10 years olds only require 8 hours a night!
2. The difference is linked to the critical growth hormones and sexual maturation hormones released during slumber. Note: Teen not getting enough sleep = too horny or just not knowing what to do with it?
3. Sleep deprivation in teens can cause moodiness, depression and car accidents due to weariness. Note: I think I will send my teen to bed at 6pm to decrease the moodiness which is making me depressed!

Teenagers and Sleep/Health 

So, this Boxing Day I let my teen sleep in. My tween pull out the crafts and make a mess and I sit here and type. I must go now to haul in some more wood, pull out the candles and make sure I fill the tub with water in case of a power outage. Perhaps I can grab my husband and go for a walk before we are stranded by the elements. Good news is: I checked the winter storm watch warning which has been canceled! Bad news is: It has been upgraded to a full on blizzard with about a foot or more of snow!

Happy Boxing Day and remember those with less as you wind through the malls!

And So This Is Christmas....

To quote the lyrics of the immortal John Lennon...

So this is Christmas.
And what have you done ?
Another year over
and a new one just begun.
And so this is Christmas.
I hope you have fun,
the near and the dear ones,
the old and the young.
A very merry Christmas
and a happy new year.
Let's hope it's a good one
without any fear.

And so this is Christmas...

REALLY what have you done? I hope that we have all done something this year to make the life of another better. Whether it was giving throughout the year or just during the season, I hope that everyone has done something they can be proud of to improve the world of another   if only for a brief time.

Whether you have randomly acted with kindness in the supermarket line up to pay for someone's items if they are short of money... Whether you have held a door longer to let a shopper with their arms full get by or assisted an elderly or disabled person with their chores... Whether you have been honest when shopping and let the sales clerk know they have made an error at the till so that it will not come from their meager pay at the end of the day... Whether you have smiled and said Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to someone that everyone else might ignore... Whether you donated time and energy to a worthy cause... Whether you gave to a homeless person with a smile and without judgment... Whether you taught in a class and gave extra time and care to a child who may not have any other kindness in their day... Whether you have completed a true philanthropic act where you expected NO recognition, you did not tell anyone and you just made a donation or payment without expecting praise so someone   or a group could participate in an activity... Whether you were one of the wonderful people who touched MY life this year... There are so many ways ALL year long to help those in the world around us. 

Enjoy the holidays, your time off, treasured moments with family, the expressions of joy and happiness on your child or loved ones face and cherish these interludes. Remember, when you are being harassed by a bored or over excited, nagging child that they can't help themselves. They are still in the process of learning the shut off valve in their brain to not express every thought in their head! I say this as my daughter nags me " MOM MOM MOM " and " I AM HUNGRY " and "CAN we Wrap NOW???" ...

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to EVERYONE! I am so grateful this year for all of the love and support in my life. The family and friends who have given me a year of wonder, excitement, anticipation and terror at making one of the biggest changes in my life. I now sit here in Fosterville, with my little family whom I love with all of my heart,  you are all over the country and some parts of the world and wish you the best year to come and remember everything we go through is a learning experience. 

And so this is Christmas - The War is Over - John Lennon Video

And so this is Christmas
for weak and for strong,
for rich and the poor ones.
The road is so long.
And so happy Christmas
for black and for white,
for yellow and red ones.
Let's stop all the fight.
A very merry Christmas
and a happy new year.
Let's hope it's a good one
without any fear.

So this is Christmas.
And what have we done ?
Another year over
and a new one just begun.
And so happy Christmas.
We hope you have fun,
the near and the dear ones,
the old and the young.
A very merry Christmas
and a happy new year.
Let's hope it's a good one
without any fear.
War is over if you want it. 

The Mom Whole Stole Christmas aka The Grinch!

I just wonder when how much we spent, how many gifts are under the tree and who has the latest gadget, became so important? I never tried to teach my kids that. I thought I avoided this whole dilemma. I guess not.  Parents of young kids, I highly recommend that you start to think now about what you want the month of December aka Christmas to mean at your house. Whether you believe in God or Christ, or whether you celebrate as it is now the event of the year, tell me why do we put our selves in such distress? It only gets harder as they grow older.

 I can honestly say I want to give my kids everything... BUT... whether it is a year where I have the money or a lean year when I don't, I don't think WHAT is given should determine how loved my child is. Apparently I am mean, withholding, selfish, I don't care, poor, etc... I don't think so. I hate that those thoughts happen, I am sorry that it comes across that way, but that is NOT it....

 I think that it should be ok to give what is needed, some of the wanted items, but that we should not all be in such a competition. It worries me that people go into debt for Christmas when it seems to me that a month later kids NEED something else...and parents are still trying to recover from 'the season'.  Want versus need. Nope this is not a popular thought. Nope I don't expect good feedback. I do just want you to think about the following things:

 1) If you give your child everything they want, what will they still have to work towards?

2) If you give as much as you can and go into debt, will that hurt your family later in the year?

3) If you give everything, the latest, most expensive, labels, etc... What happens if in the future if you can't? Does that mean you no longer love your child? Does it mean that you don't care? Or did you teach them the wrong value?

4) Does your child having every wish and want fulfilled have an impact on others? Is your child able to return to school and brag excitedly about Christmas and not hurt someone who got less? Who got nothing? Who lost someone? Who is alone?

 I am rambling. I am frustrated. I will never let my kids go without. I will always do my best to provide for them. Give them love - without a doubt. Give them a warm home - absolutely. Fill their bellies with all the sights, sounds and smells that create lasting memories - YOU BET! Give them their want list - no. Some items, hopefully, all - never.

 Love is not measured in what you give but how you give it.

 Have you ever gone hungry so your child could eat?

Have you ever gone without clothes, haircut, etc. so you could provide for your child?

Have you ever given up something you wanted to do so your child could do something important to them?

These are things that measure true love. You don't have to be poor to give up something to provide for your child.

We do however, I believe, need to give up the concept of 'stuff' to show that we are meeting their 'needs'.

 If you want your child to remember something, don't think that a present will provide it. They will remember how you held them, the way you tucked them in at night, the good memories that you created for them. They will remember baking cookies, giving to others and feeling special. They will forget disappointment at not getting an item they 'had to have'. They will remember they could count on you to teach them right from wrong.

I guess today I am feeling let down in this way. I am excited for Christmas. I want the smells, warmth, decor and love to permeate my home. I want to give too my children. I don't want to feel that I have let them down by not providing gifts, gifts, gifts.... Even though my husband thinks I still over do it, I do it because I want to. Even though I have threatened again this morning not to give all the gifts, the kids know I am bluffing.

I guess it is a hard time of year for everyone. As fun as it is. There is so much to fit in. School events. Last minute shopping. Families get together (not for us this year!) and anticipation! I know my girls are not trying to drive me crazy, even though they are!

 I wish everyone a warm, happy, loving season filled with memories that last a life time.

Parents Pestered for Presents 

Silent Night

Today is one week until the day after Christmas. Also known as, Boxing Day. Hmmm that doesn't sound too exciting does it? I guess  does sound like the anticipation is low key this year and it will be a bit of a lonely time. I accept it, I knew it would happen but as I watch other people gather together to celebrate their family and friends it does feel a bit desolate. 

The girls were great, agreed to bedrooms over Christmas but as the bedrooms won’t be done, I do feel that they need more. They have sacrificed, as much as they have been challenging children and there have been moments I could let them move away, I don’t want them anywhere else except with us in our home.

So I resolved to have Christmas with more than food and décor. I have bought them gifts, not necessarily what they are looking for but they shall not go without. Wonderful, thoughtful, caring friends and family have sent parcels which will be placed under the tree. I don’t really feel bad that they won’t have all of their wishes and desires met, no one ever does. 

I do feel sad that right now they are feeling the isolation of not having roots or history here in New Brunswick. We meet people every day who are planning their events, how to see all of their loved ones over the holidays and we do feel forlorn. This is not unexpected though! 

It was a beautiful and lonesome time to see Len’s family, children, grandchildren all gathered at Doreen’s and visiting. We spoke with them on Skype, saw the babies, so cute! Ethan jumping in mommy’s arms, Charlie saying he loves and misses us and blowing us kisses! (I know he was just repeating it but it feels so wonderful to hear, so thanks mommy!) It did feel like we were there for a few minutes.

I have sent off the last of the Christmas cards and photo’s… they may not make it in time for Christmas but they have five working days so, could happen! If not then just watch the mail and get a little surprise between Christmas and New Year’s! 

I have been baking the gingerbread house and decorating with Jessica’s help. It has felt strange to miss our annual tradition of going to Aunty Sharon’s house and spending the day sipping wine and baking cookies. Miss that a lot! I know the tradition will continue for Aunty Sharon with her beautiful little grandchildren and we will start new traditions. Yet what we know and what we experience emotionally are two different things. Next year at least we will have furniture and bedrooms… I hope!

Overall I am very happy here and the moments of melancholy pass. I feel optimistic as I lay on my bed in the den and glance through the arched doorway into the living room. I can see through the dining room and into my delightful country kitchen. Or I may sit in the overstuffed chair in the kitchen, gazing at the woodstove burning, my pretty new appliances in the kitchen and through the dining area to the Christmas tree. I am so grateful. The move was enormous, nevertheless absolutely worth it!

As I dream of the day that I get my NEW flatscreen TV and my NEW sofa set, I think of my thoughts during the morning of one of my many garage sales. I know stuff is stuff and can be replaced; however the thoughts and memories that went with the riches I sold will always be cherished. Please enjoy my thoughts from one cool May morning as I waited for the early birds to arrive! 

This morning is cool, the wind is blowing through my carport. I sit and wait for the dew from the night  rain to dissipate. Looking around I see my "treasures" things that meant so much at one time and now are part of my history. Every item has a story; each piece of used clothing holds a recollection of a moment in my girls lives... As I watch people walk away with their new prizes, fabulous finds and create their own stories, I know that my future is my present and new experiences will construct my history.

Reminiscing I reflect on the remains of my Fiesta Ware collection that I spent 10 years assembling with my first husband. Each piece holds a story. As any collector will tell you it is the find that is so exciting. The hunt that is the challenge. I look at a yellow plate with a "flaw" from the kiln and remember the day we found it on Commercial Street in Vancouver. The adrenaline rush we felt to see it hidden in the back on a shelf almost as though the seller didn't realize what they had. Later we walked and laughed and talked about our "fortune" as we walked up the street to have coffee in an Italian coffee shop - this is VERY pre-Starbucks and Tim Horton's era. The ambiance of the shop fit our nostalgic mood perfectly. 

There were many days like this. Hours spent on Commercial Street, in Gastown or along 41st Avenue, scouring through antique stores. Afternoons spent driving to Cloverdale or White Rock to see what we could find. Those are valued flash backs of good times. One thing we did have in common, my husband and I, was the thrill of the discovery and the subsequent research that took us back to a simpler time. (Research was very different than now, the time of the internet!)

I look at other items that were passing fancies. Perhaps a candleholder or knick knack purchased at a friends house party. A toy that my baby held and recall the day they received it. We kept some items but for the most part dissolved the pack rat hoarding that I had established. One of my sorrow's was having to try to sell the beautiful dining room table and chairs - Queen Anne reproduction but kept in gorgeous condition. I was so grateful for the sole inheritance from my mother in law. The table was something that meant family to me. It was part of my childrens history. Many hours with nieces, nephews, and in laws, many of whom are no longer here. I wish I had been able to sell it, but couldn't. I was happy to return it to my brother in law and hope that he might use it in the future with his new family. A table and chairs... holds so much history in the grains of that wood.

 It is nice to head toward a new life. A life where all memories will be with me and my husband. We chose the truck, the house, the trailer, the canopy, what to keep… We chose it all together. We are equally responsible for the future, positive or negative. We have started to establish our golden years together. 

Thank you my handsome for following, leading, working with me,
collectively deciding where we will go. 

I am so grateful, now, in December 2010, as the Christmas clock counts down,
to have a home, warmth, security and
my children Jessica, Rachel and my mate, Len by my side. 

Merry Christmas!

Walking, In a Winter, Wonderland...

December in New Brunswick, as much as I love it I still can't believe I am here. We have been incredibly fortunate with weather this year. The summer was amazing, warm, sunny, the humidity bearable and not too buggy! Fortunately the bugs seemed to prefer Len and leave us girls alone. Len's thoughts are that he is more pure and has less preservatives in his system, I think we just smell nicer and don't attract mosquitoes as much! Our new home has been fabulously cool in the day and pretty warm and comfortable at night. Even now as fall has progressed and we slowly watched the landscape change, the trees shed their leaves and the wildlife prepare for winter, the weather has been almost 'west coasterly' and we have felt pretty much at home.

The first snow was light and I will admit I was not completely ready for it, so I was  grateful when it didn't stick around. Since then I have filled one freezer, obtained a second freezer, filled my cupboards, woodshed is full, plenty of candles on hand, alcohol in the cupboard and have drinking water on hand in case  of power outages. The first big snow fall hit fast, hard and called for a snow day! The kids loved it. We spent the day baking gingerbread houses, decorating, hanging with friends and sledding at down the hill. Picture perfect!

Not a week later we had rain! Not light rain, not heavy rain, not even west coast rain. We had torrential monsoons that washed out roads, knocked down trees, flooded homes and you guessed it, closed school! We assumed that school would be in the following day, however being as rural as we are, the buses were called off until the road ways were determined safe. The kids were thrilled, another day at home! Then it snowed a half foot to cancel any chance of them being driven to school... And here I had told the girls "They don't have snow days in New Brunswick." They are ecstatic to learn I am VERY wrong!

Overall school has been a successful change for my kids. Of course being 16 and coming from the smallest high school in town that has only 800 students to move to the only school in the community that has barely 200 students in Kindergarten to Grade 12, it has been an extreme change for Rachel. Jessica has found this to be a wonderful change. She does find Grade 4 hard but we explain that would be the case anywhere. I am very impressed with her educational growth. I find it amusing, amazing and a tad annoying when she corrects my grammar and punctuation over my shoulder though.

I know that it is hard to adjust to the changes. Life, home, school and bus. I have been there. I do believe that I have raised my girls to be fair, stand up for themselves, ask for help and discuss their problems. Maybe I get over involved when an issue comes up but I try to remain unbiased and factual.  I think this helps them adjust.

The summer before I started Grade 8 we moved out of town, a good half hour down country roads, although my mind still thinks it was at least 45 minutes. We knew a few people from our church in the  neighbourhood but did not mix with their kids much and were isolated. My parents had purchased a great old farm house, barn, out buildings and a 5 acre hobby farm with a creek running right through it. I loved it! It was also the beginning of my feeling incredible loneliness, depression, anxiety and despair. Amazing how this all mixed together. There were so many things I loved about being there but so much that I hated, so I completely understand the dilemma for my children.

My parents jumped right into farming! We raised chickens, gathered eggs and slaughtered the chickens. We had pigs rooting around, a cow for fresh milk, rabbits and kittens. My mom and dad put in a huge garden and I realize now it was pesticide free or very close to it. The food was lush, beautiful, plenty and I hated it. I would watch and help my mom preserve food. I watched her find 50 ways to cook a zucchini (to this day we still discuss the Chocolate Skinny Cake aka Chocolate Zucchini cake). The milk was fresh to the point of steaming and had little bits of hay and straw swimming on the top. ICK! Hated it!

I hadn't been pampered to the same extent as my kids although I had always been a very finicky eater. As hard as it is to believe I was built very much like Jessica, slight, thin, bony and pale. I tease my mom and tell her I became fat because I had my teeth fixed and was able to chew properly. The real reason I started to gain weight was much deeper than that. The loneliness and depression were incredible and I worry about this with my oldest daughter. I watch her closely and we talk a lot, although I really do NOT always like what I hear!

What IS different for my children here? Although they have a long bus ride they have a great bus driver. She does not allow bullying to occur on the bus, she stops it as soon as she sees or hears anything remotely like abuse. She has the children sit age appropriately on the bus from Kindergarten at the front to Grade 12 at the back and there is no running around on the bus. The kids all feel comfortable talking to her and she is open to discussion and finding resolutions. So much different than my experiences.

If anyone ever took the Beaver Creek bus from 1979 to 1981 they know what I mean! If you were not born there, had at least two generations of history you did NOT belong! They were not open to new comers at all. From the elementary school that my little brother attended to riding as far along as to the high school  that my older brother and I attended the message was clear, GO AWAY we don't want you!

Obviously this brought up huge concerns for me with my girls on the bus and I have done as much as I could to prepare them, keep up to date with what is going on and stay in touch with the community to ensure their comfort and safety. As far as the bus goes, it seems to be working. The school is a bit more closed to my oldest but she is strong and working her way through the kids, the "you are new, we have been here forever" attitudes. She is dealing with it all much better than her mother did and for that I am extremely proud. My girls are very emotionally sensitive but they are courageous and face confrontation. (I plan to take a little credit for that!)

It is 10am, -8 c and snowing. The fire is lit, the Christmas tree is trimmed, presents are beginning to arrive from afar to be be placed under the tree and it is a Friday. One week to Christmas Eve. A different Christmas surely than in the past but I hope that the love we have and the spirit of the season will over ride the feelings of what we do not have this year. We do have a spirit of change and a beautiful warm home for which I am very grateful. I do have a wonderful little family at my side and if I manage to keep them warm and drowsy with turkey, side dishes, lots of baking and goodies, maybe they will forget missing you all, at least for a moment!

From Fosterville, NB, I wish you all a

Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!