Is this for real?

Do you ever have that feeling of excitement and enthusiasm when a big change is coming? When you get to go somewhere new or do something special? Then as you get closer you start to wonder if it is real? I think I am starting to feel that way.

It is now mid May 2010. I have been seriously looking at property back East since Christmas. In January I knew that we were going to investigate and look for our new home. In March we made the trip and put in an offer on a house. In April the house closed and became ours...

Now it is mid May 2010. I sold my car, bought a redneck truck, have a cargo trailer, my husband sold his beautiful boat and now my job has replaced me. Am I even replaceable? Can anyone else possibly do what I did? No... they can't do what I did, but they can do what they do... they will be great but different. The Parent Advisory Council has moved on and elected new people... hopefully I have left something in both places that will be useful for the future... however we are all indispensable and will only be remembered for so long. Does it even matter? No not really.

I am now asking myself is this even for real? Am I really uprooting my family and leaving everything we have ever known, leaving all of our friends and family and support systems... I sure hope it is real because we have passed the turning back point!

Questions I get: Do you know how cold it is out there? Answer: Yes - I can read, No - I have not actually experienced it. Yes - I have lived in Kamloops and Calgary... No - I have never lived in New Brunswick.

Question: Did you know they have mosquitoes and black flies? No - have not been there for it. Yes - I can read and I have lived in Kamloops which also has black flies and mosquitoes.... Ever been to Sproat Lake on a summer night and fought off the mosquitoes? Not pretty! When my youngest was 2 and we went to the lake to see grandma and grandpa we took a Bounce dryer sheet, rubbed it all over her, stuck it in her diaper and laid a few around her pillow at night to keep the skeeter's away! So, yes have been near mosquito's! When my oldest was a baby in Kamloops I had to cover her in mosquito netting when we went for walks to keep the black flies and no see'ems off of her.

Question: What about your kids? Answer... Yes - I am keeping them. Yes - they are excited albeit apprehensive, it is an adventure and they can always move back (when they get older.) Although this has been a parental decision the girls have been involved in the process, discussions and planning. My belief is the more they are involved the better they will adjust. (Dreaming? Probably!) Families are about change and moving on together. It is not OK with me for them to stay behind. I am the parent and they are my life. We do this together with a myriad of emotions, angst, expectancy, trepidation...

So here I am, sitting on a Friday morning, we have 45 days before we leave. I have hooked up the electricity, phone and internet in Fosterville. I have ordered my sexy new black appliances and fancy low flow energy efficient washer and dryer from Sears. I have ordered the girls brand new queen size comfort mattresses. I have contacted phone, internet, cable and hydro in BC to cancel my services for the end of June and I am raring to go!

I have held my first garage sale and raised some cash for new furniture. I am planning the second... less high end but more to buy sale! I am packing, stacking, and off the racking to make space.

What a liberating feeling... letting go of... stuff! I can't believe that "things" meant so much to me... items of value can be sold, memento's and history can be preserved and the rest... gone! When did we become so absorbed in the have? When did we allow ourselves to get caught up in the competition of who has what?

I have some friends... Darla, you come to mind! Who don't do that. Who have what they need, live a simpler life of ownership, who have a peaceful place to lay their head at night. Why the chaos and confusion? I know for me that "collecting" began years ago... at first it was antiques and collectibles... that makes sense. Then I entered the year of separation and divorce... Who gets what? How to separate? Well, that was fairly easy since he had no place to go. I had to move a few times so had less and less each time... I thought! Sell, sell, sell! Then when he passed away prior to the divorce there was confusion... What do I keep for the girls that their dad may have given them later? What stays? What goes? Having to determine what the other parent would have, should have or could have done, can be overwhelming!

Upon moving I had to make my own mark in life and decisions. You can't tell me what to get! You can't tell me what looks good! I have a brain! Hmm... glad I got over that! Sadly I collected LOTS and not all of value... It is cathartic now to dissolve the ownership and let go. I don't need to prove anything. I am me! I like me! I have had my Sally Fields moment... except... I like me! I really like me! I guess since it only took me 40+ years to get here, I have another 40+ to enjoy it right?

I anticipate my new life and experiences. It is so different already! The Realtor knows everyone in the town nearby. Sears will go into the house (without me!) set up and hook up all my stuff for next to nothing! It feels like going back to the 70's... not everything is open on Sunday. People still help each other. You go to Sears to get what you need and they will even open up if they are closed and you need something! WOW!

Now I have to go, it appears I need to replace the hidden hitch on the big ass truck and locate a good used canopy! A few more days of work, train the new PAC and the new staff and then I am off.... Now where did I put my glasses?