Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Bucket List: Start a farm - CHECK!

If you were on your last day to live and you could pick any one thing to do, what would it be? I honestly didn't have a clue. I guess I would want to get a chance to see and hug and speak to my loved ones for the last time. I would want to make every moment, every second count and not waste time apologizing for all the stupid stuff that has happened in life but instead thank the person for all the wonderful moments and the love they have given me.

If it was your last month to live and you could do what you want, what would it be? I guess that is a little bit easier, there is more time to squeeze things in, try to narrow down that bucket list. I guess I would make sure that I not only saw my family and loved ones but I would also try to get to see my friends, those who have been beside me and those I lost along the way that I always missed. I would take the time to tell them how they had touched me, helped me and express my appreciation and joy for having known them. 

If you had a year left to live and you could do whatever you want, what would you do? Now things get tougher. You might think, well, I have a year, so that is time to do it all, but first, I have to whine and complain and wonder why me? There would be anger, denial, fear, depression, all of the emotions that overwhelm us and bring us down. I think a lot of us would waste half or more of that year just feeling sorry for ourselves, being angry that we can't be there for our kids, watching our bodies waste away, losing control of our lives and being neglectful of the gift we have, to use that time wisely.

I know some movies have the premise that you can live life to the fullest, shoot up that debt, head out on trips you could never take before, eat what you want, nothing matters because you are going to die anyway; I don't think many people do that though. First of all, who gets stuck paying the debt? Your spouse maybe? Second of all, even though it might sound fun at first to get those things done, what's the point? What will you really accomplish? 

Movies like the bucket list help us think about what we want to do, why, what is important and what do we want to leave from this life when we are gone? I am going to list some of the things that I want to leave behind and I think it is probably quite similar for a lot of other people. 
  • I want to leave behind children that are kind, loving and feel that they can cope in the world as well as contribute positively to it.
  • I want to leave behind friends and family that I have been able to hold up and help when they needed it.
  • I want to leave behind  a world that maybe I have contributed to in a positive way, where I have hopefully given something back that will help others.
Yes there are probably lots of other things we could come up with to leave behind, but I am going to go with the top three listed above. I guess all of these thoughts have really swam around in my mind over the past year. Only one year ago, Len and I had finished our trip to the Atlantic and purchased a new home to start our new life. I feel sometimes like we just got caught up in a whirlwind and last April, May and June were so busy we had no time to really think about what we had done. On the other hand, it seems like it was all we thought about.

Then we had our C R A Z Y trip across Canada which was three weeks but felt like three months. The next three months we were consumed with trying to get things done to prepare for winter. The next five months were winter and now here we are, back full circle at the end of March one year later. Yes, I love that we moved. Yes, I would do it again. Yes, my life is fresh and exciting and I like meeting all the new people. I like exploring and finding new communities. I like learning so many new things. I like that I am not bored at a desk, stagnant in a job I don't like, no one controls my time schedule and I get to discover whole new parts of my personality.

Yes, it is weird to crawl into bed at night, look over at my husband with a gleam in my eye, while he wonders "What does she want now?" and I lean over and giggle "I LIKE making bread! Making bread is FUN!" and he laughs at me. It is weird to wake up at night and think about my future vegetable patch, bread making plans and livestock that will wander around "on the range". I never thought that taking a morning to go on a tour of a local organic grain mill would be fun and I would get psyched seeing how they dealt with every part of that grain and had little to no waste. It makes me happy though!

I never, ever, would have thought, 20 years ago, that I would end up in rural New Brunswick, baking bread, driving an hour to town and discuss the benefits of manure and compost, BUT I am! This is my life and I like it. 

No, it is not for everyone and I wouldn't recommend it to all that many people I know back home. However, if you enjoy long cold snowy winters, days where you can't leave your home, hard work, packing wood, getting excited about the chickens and goats you will have to care for; If you can deal with bugs and flies and mosquitoes and bats; If you enjoy cutting, cooking, canning and serving food that YOU created; If you get excited when you see a black bear or large moose coming at you when you are driving; If you enjoy meeting people when they feel like coming over or not seeing or talking to anyone for days... Then this MIGHT be for you!

I guess I have met my bucket list. It isn't the list I would have thought it would be. I am not where I thought I might be. I started to climb that management ladder at work and then walked away from everything I ever knew... and I am OK with that. Some people think I ran away from my life, but I think I ran to my life. Now, don't send me emails "Are you OK Sarah? Your not going to die are you?" No! I am not going to die! (I wouldn't tell anyway!) On the contrary, I have only started to live!

So, think about this, if it was your last year to live, what would you do?

Our last DAYcation to Victoria, Len and I alone, escaping for the day!
Last thing! Synergy has asked me to write a follow up story to the March/April edition.
So watch for the continued saga of "New Beginning" coming up in the May/June edition!
Yes, when I get it I will post it online!

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