It is Sunday morning and much milder than it was just one week ago. Today's weather is a warm 2 above zero while last week this time it was -21C plus the wind chill for about a nice -28... brrr! Winter break for the school kids ended on January 9th and I was prepared for a day of rest, relaxation and me time.
I worked Monday and Tuesday and on Wednesday I was booked in for a reflexology appointment. I spent the morning of January 9th researching a writing contest, reading through the rules, regulations, past winners and reviewing work that I have yet unpublished. I then spent a relaxing lunch with my husband and headed to my appointment.
Sadly, the day quickly changed, from a day of peace to a day of sadness and reflection. We moved to New Brunswick 2 and a half years ago and arrived knowing no one. Since we moved here we have met many wonderful and amazing people and some people that you connect with more quickly and understand and relate to deeper, even if you don't see them much.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013 we lost two of those new friends. One of the friends passed unexpectedly at the young age of 50 years old. He and his lovely soul mate had been introduced to us about two years ago and we immediately felt drawn to them. He, had moved here "from away", he had also spent time getting back to nature, developing his sustainable farm, growing his own food and built his straw home from the ground up. A very inspirational man on many levels, intelligent, interesting and fun to be around. He is survived by his loving lady who's friends dub her "Laura Ingall's of Little House on the Prairie" fame. She is beautiful, sweet, talented and draws from the environment to grow herbal medicines, teas and healing energy for all of us around her.
RIP: Carsten http://www.carletonfuneralhome.ca/obituaries/76220
About two hours later, I received a call to inform me that the woman I worked for and had become friends with had developed pneumonia while in hospital for her broken hip and succumbed to illness after years of fighting it. She was 76 years old, had 3 sons she was extremely proud of and I feel honoured that I could meet them all including her grandchildren, while working for her. Both she and her husband had retired to their farm in New Brunswick over 30 years ago and had a farm with all types of livestock, they milked their cow, made their butter, sold baking, eggs, meat, vegetables and more... They had both grown up on farms and were known all around for the quality of their product. I was very fortunate to get to know them, work with them, become "family" if I may be so bold and mentor under them. I will miss her and I know that her husband of almost 56 years and who did everything he could to make her comfortable will miss her very much.
So, how does this affect me? Why am I talking about it? Of course when anyone dies, whether they are 50 of 76, whether one had lived their life or thought they had much left to live for, death comes when it is our time. We have no control over our own mortality. Yes, we can be preventative, healthy, safe, avoid activities we know are likely to reduce our life span, but we never know when it will happen.
I am 46 years old. I was a widow at 38 years old. Left alone with two young children, not where I expected to be. I hope I am here for my girls forever, during their formative years, childhood, young adulthood, hopefully until they are into their middle age... but, I may not be. I now have an 18 year old preparing to leave home, she will be out on her own, living her life and I will have had time to offer her as much as I can as a child. Of course, it would be hard for her if I passed away in the next couple of years, but she would get by. She at least has had one parent to unconditionally love her for as long as possible...
On the other hand, I have an 11 year old, she still has at least 6 years at home, 6 years of parenting left to do. Who will do that if I die? I suppose, she would go live with her sister. This is not an optimal plan, but really all I have.It would be hard for her as a young adult to see her sister through troubled teens, but I know that she would do it. My parents are not in a situation to take her, god parents are downsizing and planning to travel... I love my husband, he is a great husband, but parenting, well they are my kids, so that is my job.
It is hard enough for him to have young kids at home at his age of 71, he never thought he would still have kids at this time of life... Also, when he had kids at home, he worked full time, long hours so it was his wife's job to do most of the parenting... We have different perspectives on this matter, how to parent, (neither are right or wrong, just different) so, my pending mortality is frightening to me, where it may leave my daughter... Let's just stay healthy and alive and hope that the grim reaper has no plans to take me for at least ten years!
So, this week of turmoil, tears and contemplation has been draining. I feel for my friends who are left behind after the loss of their spouses; I feel their pain; I worry over how much time I have left with my handsome; I fear for my girls should something happen to me....
I am grateful for yesterday, our community recreation council sponsored a "Women's Wellness Day" - a retreat of sorts. For 4 hours we left our lives behind, we felt peace, reached inside ourselves and felt our emotions, we spent time in relaxation, listened to stories of inspiration, had an amazing first class lunch, left the chaos of life and set our minds to the future. It was emotional but essential.
I shall send my strength to my friends suffering right now and offer any support or help I can give. I commit to doing all I can to be here on this earth as long as possible and love my little family dearly. Thank you dear readers for your kindness, thoughts, likes, dislikes, observations and communication.
Much peace, love and happiness to you all!